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Forgiveness Continuum
False Forgiveness:
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True Forgiveness:
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False Forgiveness:
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Forgetting: “Let’s not talk about it.”
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Understanding: “I will help you when you need me.”
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Obsessing: “Let’s talk about nothing else.” |
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Excusing: “It’s OK—I’ll just cope
with it.”
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Enduring in love: “I will help you bear this burden.” |
Condemning: “I forgive you for being hopelessly
sick.”
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| Absolution: “Don’t worry about it.” | Accountability: “Understand how you have hurt others.” | Blaming: “Your problems are the cause of all my problems.” |
| Repression: “I’d rather not think about this.” | Managing conflict: “Let’s deal with this positively.” | Escalation: “You cross me again and you’re dead meat.” |
| Denial: “Change is easy, no problem.” | Discipline: “Change requires hard work and concentration.” | Despair: “For you change is virtually impossible.” |
| “I forgive you, since I never trusted you or anyone else in the first place.” | I forgive you and will give you a second chance. Earn my trust with consistency.” | I forgive you, but I will never really trust you again. I never give second chances.” |
| Future fantasies: Good intentions are not enough. | Present duty: A way of living and perceiving here and now. | Past fixation: Endless worry about past problems. |
Copyright © 2002 Vivian Ellis Zabriskie
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